


My Life Abridged

by Angstlarry



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, M/M, Self Harm, Triggers, gay relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-22
Updated: 2014-06-04
Packaged: 2017-12-24 06:54:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/936731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angstlarry/pseuds/Angstlarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>***Trigger Warning***<br/>Louis has a problem, he cuts. Not out of depression or self hate, no, he cuts out of anger. Instead of taking it out on someone else, he takes it out on his own flesh. Louis' little coping method is going along just fine, that is, until Harry finds out and refuses to treat him like a normal person. Louis storms off, but does he walk right into more trouble than he walked out of?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My chapters are very, very short. Like, ridiculously so, but that's because I have tons of school at the moment and not enough time to update a massive lot every day or so, therefore I'm making them short so I can update more often without failing school. I hope you enjoy, but there are trigger warnings. I own nothing except for my keyboard and my imagination. BEWARE OF TRIGGERS SELF HARM NOW AND ABUSE TO COME IN LATER CHAPTERS. It is in 1st person, so yeah. My first fic I've posted, so forgive its awfulness.   
> ****I'll probably be updating every Saturday with some nice long chapters. If you think I should do it another day just tell me! Also, follow me @ Angstlarry !!!

***Louis' P.O.V.  
“Fucking interviewer,” I murmured to myself as I made my way back to my hotel room with the rest of the boys. They didn’t seem nearly as bothered by that idiot’s question as I had been.  
She had asked some regular questions like “how did we like the band” and “what was the scariest part of being of the XFactor”, but then she sank as low as every other interviewer I hated, and asked Harry, “So is it true that you’re the womanizer of the group?” My smile had dropped from my face at that moment and it took all my strength to not punch her in the face right then and there. Nevertheless, I had held out, so now I was itching to let my anger out, and I knew exactly how to do that.  
When Harry and I reached our hotel room, I casually strolled into the bathroom, telling Harry I’d be out in a minute. One I shut the door behind me and double checked to make sure it was locked, like I always did, I opened up the cabinet under the sink. Reaching in, I quietly pulled out my black box. Inside were a lighter, some paper clips, and a few blades. I picked up one of the blades and examined it for a moment before pressing it against the inside of my wrist. Taking a deep breath, I sank the edge into my skin, dragging it along. I did it again and again until I had 6 slices. Satisfied, I put the blade back and held my wrist up, mesmerized by the blood trickling down my skin and making tracks unique to itself. I was so mesmerized that I almost didn’t hear the click of the bathroom door unlocking. Almost.  
I quickly jumped up and shoved the box under the sink, shoving my sleeve down just in time for Harry to peak his goofy curls through the door, looking reviled to see me there.  
“Hey Lou!" he smiled at me, causing butterflies to erupt from inside my stomach. I just wished I could tell him the truth, how I really felt, but I knew that was never an option. Our friendship meant too much to me. "I called your name like ten times and you hadn’t answered, I just wanted to make sure you were ok. Liam and Zayn were gonna order some food, so we were just-” his voice cut off as his eyes turned towards my wrist. I swallowed nervously as he walked in for a closer look.  
Instinctively I started to back away, I really wished at that moment I could just curl up into a ball and disappear forever. Harry had seen blood coming from under my sleeve and now had a hand over his mouth. He looked at me with watering green eyes. In one swift move, he grabbed my arm and yanked up my sleeve, making a distressed sound at what he saw.  
“Harry, I-” I started, but he cut me off.  
“What the Hell?” Harry asked in a low, raspy voice, looking at me as if I had just killed his family.  
I opened up my mouth to answer, but before I could, he grabbed how of my wrist right where the cuts were, making me whimper in pain. Slowly he pushed me up against the wall, his once bright eyes growing dark with anger. That’s when he started yelling.  
“What the fuck?!” he screamed, making me flinch, “You have everything! You’re fucking famous, rich, you have a girlfriend that loves you, and you choose to do this?! Do you think you deserve more? Do you really want to end your life? Because that’s fucking selfish! Did you ever think of your family? The people that love you? Me?” his voice dropped when he said the last word, a hurt expression taking over his face that I couldn’t believe I had caused.  
Harry turned away to try to control his tears, “I’m done,” he whispered, letting go of my wrist and leaving the hotel room, slamming the door behind him.   
The minute the door shut I fell to my knees, sobbing into my hands. At some point, Liam came in to try to comfort me, but nothing worked. The only person who was ever able to stop me from crying was the one who now probably hated me most, and I couldn't stand to stay like this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is slightly longer than the first, but I'm still getting into the swing of school after sleeping all summer, so bare with me. Once again, I own nothing except my keyboard and my imagination. More angst in this chapter! yay! As much as I wanna say I'll get tons of fluff in, I know that's a lie. I can get a bit in, but not much. And no smut until after THE BIG THING. So prepare your bodies. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy this chapter!! xx  
> ((for those who don't know, my chapters are super short because of school starting back up, but they'll get progressively longer.))  
> Also, follow me on tumblr @ AngstLarry !!

***Harry’s P.O.V.  
This must be a joke right? Just a cruel, poorly planned prank by Louis… No, I have to face the facts, Louis is depressed, and I never saw it. He’s my best friend, and I was too ignorant to see him suffering on the inside. He was mutilating himself in secret and as his best friend, I should have noticed something was off and helped, bottom line. I shouldn’t be coming up with excuses, I love him too much for that. Suddenly, butterflies erupted from my stomach, and I did my best to push them away and focus on the present. It was defiantly not the time to get flustered over the thought of Louis, considering I could have just broken him even more that he already was.  
I sighed as I kicked a stone on the path, trying to put my thoughts together. I know I shouldn’t have said those things, but I couldn’t control it. I was scared; I just didn’t want to lose Louis.  
The first thing I did was go over to Liam and Niall’s room, but when Liam opened up the door looking at my red eyes and tear streaked face worriedly, I couldn’t do it anymore. I ran to the elevator and left the hotel for a walk, to try to do what I’m doing now, putting my thoughts together. I had walked a good distance, but I had gotten nowhere on the task at hand.  
After about 10 minutes, my phone started to ring. Fishing it out of my pocket, I saw it was a call from Liam, bracing myself, I took in a deep breath and answered the phone, “Yeah?”  
“What the hell!?” Liam screamed, I could hear rustling and a door shutting in the background, he must have left the room.  
“did-” my voice cracked as I battled for composure, worried a fan would happen along me like this, “did he tell you?” I asked, tears brimming at my eyes.  
Liam’s voice softened, “He hasn’t said anything, but we noticed. He’s just be crying in a ball on the floor. You better get back here and fix this, Haz.”  
“yeah, ok, I’m on my way back,” I sighed, hanging up the phone and stuffing it into my pocket. I ran a quick hand through my hair and tried to gather myself up.  
Oddly enough, I hadn’t ran into any fans on the way home, which is probably a good thing considering I would have burst into tears the moment I opened my mouth. As I the knocked on the door to my and Louis’ hotel room, I braced myself, taking a deep breath and controlling my emotions, knowing I had to be strong for Louis.  
A disheveled, red eyed Niall opened the door, look very upset. He gave me a once over, saying, “he’s in there,” in a thick Irish accent, and pointed to the bedroom door. He said nothing else as he went back to the couch, staring at the blank TV as if there was something playing on it. I didn’t blame him.  
Quickly I made my way over to the door, knocking lightly and bouncing on the balls of my feet. Liam answered the door, looking exhausted, without a word, he let me in, and I gasped at the condition of my best friend.  
Louis was sat silently crying on the bed, Zayn whispering who knows what into his ear to try to control him. His hair was all over the place, and his hands, that both had a fistful of his tousled hair, were shaking uncontrollably.  
“We got him out of the bathroom, but he just started crying again once he got to the bed.” Liam whispered, looking in a sad way at the crumpled state of his friend.  
Zayn saw me and got up, gesturing for me to sit down. I quickly padded over to the bed, sitting down beside Louis, “Hey Lou,” I whispered, seeing him flinch at the sound of my voice.  
Taking a breath to compose myself, I continued, the words tumbling out of my mouth fast than I thought possible. “I’m so sorry, boobear, I love you, I could never be done with you. I’m so sorry and I get if you don’t forgive me but I feel terrible. I’m gonna help you through this, I’ll help you get better. I love you so much. Please, look at me,” my voice cracked and tears threatened to escape my eyes.  
Slowly, Louis removed his hands from his hair, looking up at me and sniffling. I smiled, happy to see his face, despite the tears and red eyes. In one swift motion, he got up and hugged me, crying into my sweater. “Shh, it’s ok,” I whispered, playing with his hair the way he likes it, in the nape of his neck. “It’s gonna be ok,” I whispered, because I knew it would be, it had to be.  
Louis had fallen asleep on my shoulder after about 10 minutes of him silently crying, and I laid him down on the bed, kissing him on the forehead, “I love you boobear,” I whispered.  
I looked down at my best friend’s sleeping face, and was overwhelmed by how broken he must be on the inside. Had he been showing signs? Had I just not noticed? Even as he slept, I could tell there was something off, but was it there before? All the times we fell asleep on the couch watching a movie or when he would have a bad dream and lay with me in bed, was he acting odd then? This was all too much to process.  
Exhausted, I left the bedroom and walked into the kitchen, past where Liam was hugging Niall on the couch. I got some cold coffee out of the pot and forced it down, not really minding the stale taste to assault my senses.  
After chocking back half a mug, I dumped the rest out in the sink and walked into the living room. After I sat on the couch, I put my face in my hands, trying to piece together everything that had happened for the second time today. “How is he?” Zayn asked. He was sitting in the chair across from me on his cell phone, as always being the one who kept it together the most. I wondered how he did it, staying cool and all; maybe he just put on a façade for the rest of the band. I couldn’t bear to think of someone else hiding something, so I quickly shoved the thought from my mind.  
“He’s asleep,” I said quietly, not even bothering to lift my face in an attempt to let him hear me. Zayn nodded in response and went back to his phone.  
Slowly and gently, Liam removed his arms from Niall and turned to me, his look asking if I was ok. I nodded once as if to say I was fine, and he went back over to the Irish lad without a word. At least he respected that I wasn’t in the mood to talk, but it wasn’t only that. If I had opened my mouth, the only thing that would come out would be sobs; I had caused my best friend so much grief, and I hadn’t even tried to stop the bleeding or anything, I had just grabbed his wrist and screamed in his face.  
Suddenly a thought hit me. As a silent tear ran down my cheek, I looked at my hands that still had the faint remains of Louis’ blood on them. Quickly I got up and ran to the bathroom, barely making in to the toilet before losing all of my lunch.  
I felt a warm hand rub my back in comfort as I sobbed and choked into the toilet, all I could see when I closed my eyes was the fear shining in the blue orbs of my best friend as I had screamed at him. I caused everyone this misery, and I just didn’t know how to fix it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for uploading it late today. I was out all day and then my laptop had some shit to work out but it's about 10:50 pm now and the chapter is finished, so that's good. It's a little under 2,000 words (twice as many as chapter 2) and it's no totally eventful. After they go back to work things will start to pick up but for now you'll just have to bare with me. As always, I own nothing but my keyboard and my imagination. I hope you enjoy and feel free to comment any suggestions or feedback. I'm going to update every Saturday by midnight (probably earlier, midnight is there just incase my laptop goes apeshit). You can follow my on Tumblr @ Angstlarry for updates on what is going on (I'll have it tagged as "My Life Abridged" so you can also just track the tag). Thanks for reading!! xx

Chapter 3  
***Louis’ P.O.V.  
I woke with a start, taking a minute to come to terms with my surroundings. Reaching over to the bedside table for my iPhone, which was charging, I saw that it was 10 am. I felt like I had slept for a good 10 hours.  
I sat up and stretched in bed, letting out a significant yawn before pulling back the covers and hopping out of bed. It was a little strange the boys weren’t here, normally Harry would jump in bed with me on our days off and we would watch TV together…  
I padded across the room and scratched at my wrist, and then suddenly the events of last night dawned on me. I could feel myself pale as I backed away from the door, moving back over to the bed and laying down.  
As the scenes played though my head, I curled into a ball. Maybe it was all a dream, just a disturbing, terrifying nightmare that made me want to put my head through a wall. But no, the evidence was too clear to try to hide. Harry had caught me cutting myself, and now things would never be the same, between him and me. I had probably ruined out friendship just because I was so damn stupid and careless.  
Just as all these thoughts whirled though my head, I heard a soft knock on the door followed by awkward shuffling that could have only been caused by someone as tall as Harry. “Come in,” I said, my voice rough with sleep and sore from crying last night.  
Harry popped his head in, goofy curls and all, just as he had done right before all of this had happened. Right before I ruined his life. He was just a kid and I had already caused him so much pain at such a young age.  
“hey,” he said, in a loud whisper, as he walked over to my bed, careful not to get too close.  
“Hi,” I responded flatly, not sure of what to say to the poor boy. I sat up from my fetal position in the covers and ruffled my hair, trying my best to crush the awkward atmosphere Harry had dragged in with him.  
“So, um…” the tall boy said, scratching his curls as if to get a better conversation starter out of them. He looked at me with worried green eyes as I sighed. I patted the spot next to me and me quickly maneuvered to sit down, shooting me an expectant look.  
“So... I guess you have questions, then, don’t you?” he simply nodded as I continued, “First off, why. Well, it all started when I was about 16. I started to have anger issues. Not like, the typical ‘now I’m a man so I can yell at footie players’ kind of anger, it was more like, I wanted to break someone’s arm if the cut in the queue kind of anger. It kept getting progressively worse, but I refused to tell people just so they wouldn’t get scared of me or something. I mean, I don’t want to hurt people, I just can’t control it. So anyway, I was looking online after one particularly bad day, and I found an article about anger management. At first I thought it would be a load of crap like all the other breathing technique shit I had read about before, but this one was different. I was about using physical pain as an anchor. A way to control and channel you anger on yourself so you would know how others would feel if you used it on them. Now at first I thought it was a terrible, stupid idea and I exited out right away, but after about a week of being pissed off, I was so mad that I started seeming like a good idea. I walked to the corner shop in my neighborhood after school and bought a razor. When I got home, I ran upstairs and popped one of the blades out. I was so hesitant at first, you know? I was scared I would go to deep or I would somehow muck up, but I did it anyway. I pressed the corner of the blade into the inside of my wrist and moved it across. At first it hurt, but then I didn’t feel a thing. I just felt right. I felt like the anger had just melted away, like the blood washed it out of my system. I know it’s stupid and dangerous but it’s my way of coping. I love my life, and I don’t so this out of self-hatred, it just keeps me stable. There’s really not a single risk that I would take it too far, and I think I would be more dangerous if I didn’t do it. Please, just, believe me, Harry.”  
The words had slipped right out of my mouth, not even checking with my brain to see if they were acceptable before hand. I knew it was a lot for Harry to digest, considering I had just spat out one of my darkest secrets at high speed, but I really wanted him to say something. Anything…  
“I’m sorry Lou,” he whispered, shaking his head. Ok, maybe not anything.  
“What do you mean, sorry?” I asked, anger trickling inside of me, anger that I was going to have to eventually deal with in one way or another.  
“I’m sorry that I wasn’t there to help you though this. I’m sorry that I didn’t notice you were suffering. I’m sorry… but I can’t let you keep hurting yourself,” he whispered, tears prickling in his eyes.  
I just stared at him for a moment, speechless. Had he not just heard my long rendition on how I cut to control my anger? I don’t cut... because I hate life… How did he not understand that?  
“Harry, I don’t think you heard me-” I tried to explain, but he wouldn’t let me finish.  
“Let’s go get some breakfast,” he said, rubbing his eyes and standing up, offering a weak smile as he waited for me to follow.  
Ok, I had just exposed so much to this boy that had been in the dark, and a) he didn’t believe me, and b) he wanted to stop the conversation after he came to me for an explanation? I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure best friends aren’t allowed to do that without a good reason, and his reason better be pretty damn great.  
Without another word, I stood up and followed him into the kitchen of our hotel suite, glad the boys weren’t there to send me pitying looks. To tell the truth, I was quite mortified about crying in front of the guys; they already were hinted onto my sexuality and I hadn’t wanted them to find any more clues.  
“What would you like?” Harry asked, sniffling to try to cover up how close he had been to tears.  
I shrugged, “doesn’t matter,” I mumbled, and Harry turned around and started messing with different pots and pans in the kitchen as I made my way over to the couch.  
I sat there, trying to figure out Harry’s motive for all of this, as I lifted up my sleeve and examined my scars, the new and the old. I could connect a few with stories from the past, but most of them were nameless memories of just another time I couldn’t handle myself. Looking at the newest additions, for once I hoped they would leave no trace behind, that way I wouldn’t have some crude reminder of this day and the ones that were sure to come.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! So sorry to upload it after midnight but I had so much to do today and I just ugh. Sorry! But this chapter is super angsty and ahhhhhh Louis!!! I've been planning the part after this literally for months and I'm proper excited to write it next week! As always I don't own anything but my keyboard and my imagination, and unfortunately the creepy man... and, my friend Mallory... Well I don' own her, but I own her character I guess... Anyway, don't forget to follow my tumblr (Angstlarry), comment, like, and also, I'm going to post, every Saturday probably, an AU Larry role play I'm doing with my friend, Kailynne, so make sure to look out for that next week. Yay! I hope you like the chapter, and sorry again for the late upload.

Chapter 4  
***Louis’ P.O.V.  
A few days had passed by with Harry inevitable hovering over me like an over protecting mother. The rest of the band wasn’t much better. They were always asking if I was ok and if I needed anything, to which I always that I was ok and didn’t need anything I couldn’t get myself. They still hadn’t grasped what I was trying to tell them, that I’m not depressed.  
Today was our first day in public since, you know, and we were going to a photoshoot. It was outside in an empty lot. Without all the fancy furniture and decorations set up, it would look terrible, but somehow the crew worked there magic and made an abandoned spot of land into something resembling inviting.   
We arrived there at about noon. I was wearing a grey jumper and tan skinny jeans, complete with my black and white striped TOMS. Compared to the other days, today was actually bareable. Harry had treated me less like the crown jewels and more like a best mate, even joking around with me and the boys on the way here. He still looked at me weird, though, there will still those concerned glances that he thought I didn’t see that stirred anger inside me.  
“Niall!” Liam yelling at my Irish mate snapped me out of my thoughts. Niall had run away and towards the snacks before we got our directions, so Liam was chasing after him. Zayn chuckled and shook his head, looking at me and saying, “typical Niall.”  
“Totally,” I laughed. Zayn had been the best about everything, and I was grateful for that. I would have to remember to thank him later.  
Eventually Liam caught Niall and dragged him back over to us where we could wait for directions from staff. I glanced down, noticed Niall had a bag of crisps in his hand, and decided to have some fun.   
In one swift motion, going from completely still to a full sprint, I grabbed Niall’s crisps and took off, not even checking behind me to know he was there. “LOUAH!” I heard him yell. I could normally outrun him, but having to weave through all these people would prove to be an obstacle. I crashed into a few people, blurting out half hearted apologies as a grinned and kept running, Niall close on my heals. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my waist, and I knew I was done for. The blond lad tackled me to the ground, ripping the food out of my hands and muching happing as he sat on top of my crumpled body.  
A moment later the rest of the boys came running over, all smiling with flushed cheeks, well, all but one. \  
“Niall!” Harry yelled, his eyes wild. Almost immidietly Niall jumped off and Harry ran over to me.   
“I’m fine!” I protested, standing up myself, brushing the dirt off my jeans.  
“Niall, I told you now to rough with Louis!” Harry said. I had never heard him talk like this before and it was scaring me.  
“Harry… What?” I said weakly, wondering if the boys had had meeting about my mental conditions or something.  
“I just don’t want anyone to hurt you,” he said dumbly, as if what he was doing was perfectly fine and dandy.  
“Harry. I can take care of myself. I don’t need you to watch out for me,” my voice started rising, but I didn’t really care. This needed to be said, “I’m not broken! You don’t need to ‘save me’! In fact, you being like this would be making it worse, if there actually were something! But I’m fine! I don’t need this!” I screamed the last part, feeling a twinge of guilt for the expression Harry was wearing, but it didn’t matter. He was treating me like a kid and I was sick of it.  
I turned around and stormed off, ignoring the weird looks I was getting from the crew. I just needed some time to think all of this through.  
I rounded the corner into a damp ally with litter decorating the ground. At first I needed a walk, but now I was a tad bit lost. Part of me hoped I would run into a fan who would give me directions, but I highly doubted any fans of mine would be lurking in a dark ally.  
I continued walking for another 5 minutes, and then decided to turn around and try the other way, as I crossed back through the ally, I saw, none other than, a One Direction fan walking past. She had to be about 13 and was wearing a “Future Mrs. Styles” shirt. When she spotted me, she dropped all of her stuff and started breathing heavily. At first I was alarmed and thought she might be having an asthma attack, but then she broke out in a wild grin and ran up to hug me.   
“HI LOUIS!” she yelled at an unnecessary volume, picking up her stuff and finding a piece of paper for me to sign. “Where’s everyone else? Is Harry here?” she asked, looking around as if the rest of One Direction were about to walk out from behind a dumpster.  
“Nope, just me,” I said expecting her to look disappointed, but to my surprised she looked equally excited.  
“Well this is so cool, meeting out in person! Your music totally inspires me!” Now that I was close, I could tell that she was probably about 15 or so, unlike what I had originally thought. “My name’s Mallory, by the way.” She smiled at me, and I smiled back.  
“Actually, Mallory, could I have directions somewhere?” I asked, hoping she was from here and knew her way around.  
“Yeah!” she answered quickly, “Where to?”   
“Um, well I went for a walk from out photo shoot and I kind of got lost. It’s in this big open and grassy lot?”  
“Uh, yeah, I know where that it, do you want me to write down the directions or…” she trailed off, looking at me expectantly.  
I broke out into a grin as an idea came into my head, “Or you could text it to me?” I suggested. I loved make fan’s days. It was awesome.  
“OMGYESICOULDTOTALLYDOTHAT!!” Mallory screamed, grinning madly at me and pulling out her phone. I gave her my number and said my goodbyes, taking a quick picture on her phone before departing.  
As I received the texts as to where to go, I felt a presence come up beside me. Before I could turn my head to see who it was, I was shoved up against the brick wall of an abandoned building, the rough surface cutting into my face.  
I tried to push back and defend myself, but I felt a sharp pain sear through my back. A knife cutting into my skin. I let out a whimper of pain, retiring my fight as my attacker got close up against my back, breathing down my neck.  
“Louis Tomlinson,” a deep, rough, and unfamiliar voice rumbled from behind me, making me shiver. He laughed at me and I felt the cold blade of the knife on my back, not cutting in again but ready to do so if needed.  
“What, no fighting? Well, I imagined you as a tougher person, but we all know not to judge a book by its cover.” His laugher was sickening, comically similar to that of an evil villain in a cartoon.  
“It’s called strategizing; after all, I’m not the guy with the knife.” I spat. Ok, it wasn’t the best comeback, but it was all I could think of considering the situation I was in.  
The nameless man behind me simple chuckled, and I senxed he was shaking his head from his tone of voice, “all sass and no bite,” he said, and then got closer so his lips were trailing on my neck right in my sensitive spot, sending shivers through my body, no matter how hard I tried to stop them, “I like that.”  
I gathered my self back up, spitting out, “back up, creep,” and wriggling again.   
Again, all he did was laugh, “You mean the little gay boy doesn’t want to have some fun?” I felt his hand on my thigh, trailing up until he was practically cupping me, despite my attempts to wiggle away.  
“Fuck off,” I said though gritted teeth, trying my best to sound strong.  
“Oh my pleasure,” he said, letting me go.  
Confused, I instantly whipped around, barely able to see the man before I was shoved forcefully against the wall. I felt my head connect with the brick and then everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So excited about this part that I'm posting the beginning now! I know it's only Wednesday but ahhhh excitement!! I've been planning this part since the very beginning of August. I hope you enjoy! Don't forget to follow me on tumblr for updates (Angstlarry). I'll most likely be posting again Saturday, but I just want you to know that I might not be able to post the Saturday after that (September 20th) for I am having surgery the day before. Thanks for the love! xx

***Harry’s P.O.V.  
Louis had run off about an hour and a half ago and I was starting to get worried, but I was going to let him win. I sat silently on the couch we were supposed to be using for group photos as Liam called Louis for the 7th time.  
“Still no answer,” he said, shoving his phone in his pocket in frustration. Then he turned to me. “Harry, this is all your fault. Maybe if you would have treated Louis like a normal lad, he wouldn’t be lost right now.”  
“You don’t know he’s lost,” I said quietly, figuring if I pretended it wasn’t true, that it would never be.  
“Well he sure as hell isn’t lurking in the nearby shadows just to make a fucking point. And you don’t even care. You can’t even get off your high horse and come to terms with how much you’ve been hurting him. You’ve been acting like a complete arse and now you’re too proud to admit it!” Liam yelled, shaking his head and walking away. Zayn shot me a glance and followed him, talking quietly to the younger boy. Once again Zayn was the one to hold it together. I was going to have to ask him for some pointers.  
I looked over at Niall; he seemed pretty down about this whole thing. Niall tended to feed off whatever the group was feeling, so if we were happy, he was happy, but it also worked the opposite way. I watched him for a moment as he played with the laces of his converse.  
A moment later, Paul walked up, looking worried. “Alright,” he said, “You two are coming with me. We’re gonna have a walk around and see if we can find Louis.” He pulled out his phone and started dialing, moving away so we couldn’t hear his conversation.  
With a sigh I stood up, knowing it would be pointless to object. Maybe I was kinda being an arse, and I had been treating Louis differently lately, despite his protests, but I just wanted him to be ok. I wanted the old Louis back, the happy one. Well, the old one cut and kept a secret, so basically I wanted all the good parts of the old Louis back.  
When Paul returned, Niall and I started off with him in the direction Louis had left. We decided we should all stick together to avoid getting lost like Lou had.  
“Harry?” I heard Niall ask. I turned around to see him scuffing his shoes against the pavement.  
“Hm?”  
“Where do you think he went?”   
I instantly felt worse when I heard my friend say this. He sounded like a little kid, his accent thinker because he was worried. I smiled and put an arm around his shoulders, “Probably got distracted on his way back by a TOMS sale.” I joked, getting a laugh out of the boy.  
We walk a while in silence, glancing around as if we expected Louis to just turn the corner and say, “There you guys are!” It started to get dark and Paul told us we would have to turn back. Niall pulled out his phone and called Louis once again, and it went to voice mail like all the other times.  
“Hey, Paul?” I asked, noticing a little side street we hadn’t checked. I doubted Louis was down there, but I was seriously worried now, and I wouldn’t hurt to check. “Can we look down that ally?”  
“Uh, sure,” he said, distracted by his phone. Niall walked behind me as I trotted over to the ally.  
As I walked in, I noticed some weird marks in the gravel, almost like somebody was dragging something too heavy to carry. Suddenly I heard Niall gasp; I instantly turned around to try to see what he was looking at, “What is it?”  
Niall was backing away from the wall when he stepped on something, almost falling backwards. I glanced down, not yet putting anything together, and saw what he tripped over. Louis’ phone.   
My head shot back up to the wall and I saw it. There was a dark red spot on the brown brick, a spot that was unmistakably blood. I started to put everything together: the mussed gravel, the blood, Louis’ phone… Suddenly I felt my knees go weak and my vision became blurry. Someone had hurt Louis. Someone had knocked him out. Was Louis even alive…?  
Niall had run over to get Paul, and now he was back, the Irish boy quickly explaining what we had discovered as his eyes watered. Once he finished, a very upset looking Paul pulled out his phone, punching in numbers and holding it up to his ear. Niall came over to me and hugged me, crying softly into my shirt. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t do anything but stare. This was all my fault, Louis’ life could be over just because I was being stupid.

***Louis’ P.O.V.  
I woke up in a damp, dark room. As I squinted my eyes to try to make out my surroundings, I noticed that my head was pounding. I tried to reach up to check if it was still bleeding, but my arms were stuck.   
As the haze from being unconscious slowly lifted, I realized that my wrists were tied behind my back. Suddenly, my heart was racing. I was sitting on a cold floor, probably made of concrete, and assumed my wrists were also tied to the wall because I could only move them so far.  
Suddenly, a bright light flashed through the room, lighting up my space. I braced my eyes against the harshness of it, but I saw enough to know that I was in a basement, and the light was from someone opening the door at the top of the stairs. That someone was currently walking down the stairs, and I had a feeling he wasn’t here to save me.  
The man walked up to me, smiling down at me like he was one of my best friends, which he defiantly wasn’t, especially with our current situation. “Hello,” he said, keeping up that sickening smile that matches his laugh so well. “well you seem to be doing better.”  
“Who are you?” I asked, trying to control my anger as I talked through gritted teeth.  
The man laughed, “Doesn’t matter,” he said shortly, “What you should be asking is why are you here. To which, I would answer, because I hate you.”  
I stared at him, waiting for him to add something. That’s it? Tons of people hate One Direction, but they don’t kidnap us and keep up in their basements (but I bet a lot of fans would like to).  
“You just so… annoying? High maintenance? A burden on society, really. You water down the population of quality people in this world.” He said simply, as if I already knew.  
“I’ve been studying you, Louis,” the man said, “The way you smile when you see your fans. The way you cry when someone insults your pathetic family. The way you flick your hair and blink twice afterwards. How you look at that stupid Harry like he’s a god, and how you worship the ground he walks on. I’ve been studying you, and it all repulses me.   
“You’re just some fag trying to make it big, and crushing on your best friend? Imagine how much harry will hate you when he finds out. Oh? You wanna know how I know your dirty little secret? As I said, I’ve been studying you. You and all of your stupid little friends, but mostly you.  
“It fascinates me, Louis, the way they can hold up that act so well. I know they hate you, you know they hate you. I can tell from how they look after you tell one of those annoying jokes of yours, like they just wanna punch themselves in the face. And when you touch them? I’ve never seen someone so utterly repulsed in my life. I’m probably the one person that hates you more than them. I don’t know how they stand living with you.” He smiled evilly at me, shaking his head. Without another word, he reached down to my bound wrists, pulling out a pocket knife.  
I could see the look in his eyes, I could tell that he’s not going to kill me, not yet. Nevertheless, I was terrified. I tried ruthlessly to squirm away, but my struggle was to no avail. As he sliced into my wrist, I could barely hear my own muffled screams before it all went black.

***Harry’s P.O.V.  
I don’t remember much of what happened after we found the blood, it was a blur. We had somehow gotten back to the photo shoot without fully breaking down. Once we got there, Paul had to explain everything because Niall was crying too much and me, well, I was still shocked. I couldn’t think of a time someone had purposely hurt Louis. Sure, we had play fights and would knock each other around, but none of the boys ever tried to hurt anyone.  
Then we had all been quickly packed into the car, Liam trying to comfort Niall without losing it himself, and Zayn trying to get me to talk, but I didn’t want to. Actually, I couldn’t; I probably would have cried uncontrollably.  
When we reached the hotel, we were whisked up to our rooms, but I didn’t want to spend the night alone. Instead, all four of us slept in Liam’s room, Niall and me on the couch, and Liam and Zayn in the two separate armchairs.  
I barely slept at all. I was exhausted, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what I had done. I imagined where Louis could be right now, if he was even still alive. Probably all beaten up and bloody in some ally, getting hit by some gang for, I dunno, making a fake gang sign at them or something Louis-ish like that. I tried not to throw up as even worse scenarios played through my head, making me lightheaded and queasy.  
The only thing that allowed me to fall asleep was the fact I was so emotionally drained. As I drifted off, I felt tears start to roll down my cheeks, the first of many.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger Warning***  
> There's some intense angst in this so watch out. Harry deals with some problem in his head and Louis deals with worse. Read at your own risk.  
> Also, sorry if it's not the best, I wasn't sure how to write in the point of view of someone in Louis' situation.  
> P.S. I own nothing but my keyboard and my imagination. And the creepy man.  
> P.P.S. Follow my tumblr (AngstLarry) for updates and surprise postings like the one on Wednesday. Thanks for reading!! xx

Chapter 6  
***Harry’s P.O.V.  
I woke up what felt like minutes later, but after checking my phone, I realized it was about 6 am. I was anything but well rested, in fact, I was really in the need of some coffee. I stood up from Liam’s couch and glanced around, seeing that all the boys were still asleep. It was amazing that they were holding together so well, but then again, they weren’t carrying the same massive weight of guilt on their shoulders like I was.  
As I haphazardly made my way to the kitchen for that coffee, all I could think about was just wanting to see Louis’ eyes one more time. The last time I had seen them was when he was yelling at me, and that look was burning a hole in my heart. He had looked so hurt, so betrayed, so upset, I almost couldn’t believe I had caused him to feel all those things. But I did, and now he could be gone because of me.  
If I hadn’t talked to Niall like that, if I hadn’t over reacted, if I would have listened to him about what he was feeling… I could have prevented this. But no, I was being stupid, and now Louis is gone because of me. I tried to think of how he must feel right now, but I couldn’t even put myself in that position without throwing up.  
Louis was gone because of me… it kept playing over and over in my head, practically driving me mad. It was like someone was standing next to me, constantly screaming at me for what I had done, over and over until I broke. Maybe this is how Louis felt when I never listened to him and kept treating him like glass.  
“Morning Harry,” I heard Liam come up behind me. He padded across the kitchen to the coffee I had made and poured himself a mug, taking a sip and leaning back against the counter across from me.  
I nodded at him, staring into my own drink in an effort to not let him see the bags that were bound to be under my eyes. I didn’t wanna talk about it. I didn’t wanna talk about anything.  
“How are you holding up,” he asked, shifting as he looked over at the two boys still asleep in the den area of the hotel room. I shrugged in response, still not lifting my head, not sure if it was from that lack of strength or the fact that I truly didn’t want to speak.  
Liam sighed and moved closer, his eyes sparkling with concern, “Harry, you’re going to have to talk at some point.”  
With a deep breath, I looked up at him, not meeting his eyes with my bloodshot ones. “It’s all my fault,” I whispered, unable to raise my voice higher than that. I could already feel a lump in my throat as I swallowed down some more coffee. That same voice still nagged at me, almost overpowering Liam’s words. Louis was gone because of me…  
He shook his head, “No it’s not. I didn’t mean what I said to you yesterday, I was just worried. It’s not your fault,” he said assuringly, but it didn’t do much to comfort me.  
“No,” I said, wildly shaking my head, “Don’t you get it? If I hadn’t treated him like that, if I would have just listened, he wouldn’t be gone. It’s my fault and I didn’t even try to stop him from leaving.” I quickly wiped a tear from my cheek, unable to continue talking.  
“Haz, stop, it’s not your fault,” Liam said, pulling me into a tight hug, a hug that I didn’t return. I just stood there holding onto my coffee for dear life, as if it was the only thing left in my life that wasn’t spiraling out of control. In fact, at the moment, it could have been.  
Liam gave me a sad look and picked up his coffee, walking over to the couch to wake up Niall, knowing to wait for Zayn to wake up on his own because he can be a pain in the arse when he’s tired.  
I just stood there, that same sentence ringing in my head, wondering what the hell I would do if Louis was really gone forever. If he really was gone because of me.  
***Louis’ P.O.V.  
I held my breath, wincing at the pain that I had almost become accustom to. The man had blindfolded me, so I had no idea what was happening, all I knew was that my ribs defiantly weren’t supposed to feel like that.  
I suppose I had been there all night, but I didn’t sleep. That guy kept hurting me after I had woken up the second time. He kicked me, punched me, and sliced me. It wasn’t like anything I had done to myself. Oh no, it was much worse.  
For my situation I was being reasonable calm, mostly because everytime I had screamed or tried to say something smart he had punched me in the face. I could feel blood drying on my skin. The man continued to talk to me, to tell me all the terrible things about myself. I guess if someone had gone this far out of their way to tell me, then it must be true. Everyone probably thinks I’m the joke of the band. Harry probably thinks I’m annoying as fuck. It’s a wonder one of the other boys hasn’t killed me yet.  
“You’re so hot,” I felt the man’s breath hot on my ear, making me shiver, but not in a good way. At some point he had taken off my shirt and pants, so now I was left in just my boxers. I felt exposed, and was starting to get worried about what he was going to do to me. I was too weak to fight him, and he had many weapons to his disposal, at least from what I could tell.  
I shifted on the concrete, willing myself not to cry anymore. My hair was matted down from a mixture of blood and sweat and I felt filthy. All I wanted to do was go find a soft, cool corner to curl up and die in.  
“What, no smart comment, gay boy?” he hissed, running a hand up my leg. I sniffled, feeling myself start to tremble. This couldn’t be happening. I was going to wake up curled up in bed next to Harry and everything would be fine.   
I felt his hand getting dangerously close to exactly where I didn’t want it to go, and I tried to move back a bit. He grabbed me hip and pulled me forward, hitting me hard in the ribs, “shhhh,” he said as I whimpered in pain, almost certain I had heard something break. He started pulling at my boxers and I felt the world around me start to spin. I couldn’t see anything, but I had a feeling everything was about to go south.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short, but to be fair, I did post on Wednesday...


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh so sorry for the late update!! I was in recovery from sugery last week and this week I was so busy and then I had an audition for acting school (I got in!!). But here's the chapter, way over due. Please don't kill me!  
> Oh, and if you don't hate me with the burning passion of 1,000 suns, you should follow me on tumblr (AngstLarry).  
> Thanks for reading!! xx

Chapter 7  
***Harry’s P.O.V.  
Niall and Zayn had awaken soon after Liam and I. They quietly shifted around the small hotel room, getting breakfast and eating it slowly.  
After about 5 minutes of sitting in a chair, staring onto my empty coffee mug, I felt my phone next to me start to vibrate. I quickly pulled it out, hoping with all my heart it was bringing good news, but expecting the worst.   
I quickly pressed in my password and went to my messages. It was from Eleanor:  
“Hey Harry! I Hope you’re doing ok. Don’t worry, I’m sure Lou will be fine. xx”  
It took all my strength to not throw my phone against the wall. Her boyfriend was KIDNAPPED and she was acting all cheery? It was disgusting.   
I had never really gotten close to Eleanor, we were friends, but she never seems to show much interest in getting to know me. Whenever we were out with Louis, she would just cling onto him the whole time and laugh at all his jokes. She almost made their relationship seem fake.   
The thought made something perk up inside of me, but it was quickly pushed down when the current situation crashed back into my mind. I sighed and shoved my phone into my pocket. Just then, I realized that Liam was talking on the phone, Niall and Zayn listening closely.  
I jumped up from my chair and jogged over, looking at Liam with anxious eyes.  
“Alright, we’ll be down in five minutes,” he said to the person on the other end of the phone. He quickly hung up and walked over to me, the beginnings of a smile on his face  
“What?” I yelled, the need to know what was happening nearly burning through me.  
“They found Lou,” Liam said, full out grinning. I saw Niall and Zayn hugging, tears streaming down the Irish lads, face. I started to feel dizzy. They found Louis. That means, Louis isn’t dead. Louis is still alive. I still have the chance to hug Louis and look into those beautiful blue eyes and play with that wild hair and hear his amazing jokes and… my best friend is alive.  
Tears started to brim my eyes, but I couldn’t bring myself to smile. Images of what Louis must look like after being hit so hard to leave blood in that ally flashed through my mind. It was all my fault. I felt arms around me, probably Liam’s, and I leaned into the hug. Before I knew it we were making our way down to the lobby, and then into a car.  
My heart was beating a mile a minute, “Where are we going?” I whispered as we sat in the car, so quietly that the boys had to lean in to hear me. I tugged at the sleeves of my jumper, trying not to pass out.  
“Um,” Liam said, shooting Zayn a suspicious glance. Zayn nodded as if to tell him it was ok. “We’re, uh, going to the hospital,” he said, unable to make eye contact with me. I don’t blame him, I nearly threw up when I heard what he said.  
So Louis was hurt. So bad he had to go to the hospital. And it was all my fault. Louis was suffering in a blank, white hospital room all because of me.   
My breathing started to quicken and I gripped onto the seat or the car, willing myself not to lose consciousness. I felt tears slide down my cheek and I started to shake, “It’s all my fault,” I whispered, shaking my head at how pathetic I was being but unable to control myself.  
“No Harry, it’s not. You had no part in this,” Zayn said, in a voice different than his normal, calm output. Liam put his hand on my shoulder and gave me an encouraging look.  
As I continued to cry, I heard Niall say something to me, but I didn’t exactly catch it, something about everything being ok.  
No, nothing was ok. He didn’t get it. No one did.  
***Louis’ P.O.V.  
I remember loud voices. Loud voices and bright lights, but that’s about it. Oh, and someone carrying me and asking me really weird questions like “are you ok?” Well of course I’m not ok don’t you see the blood?  
I guess someone found where I was, although I have no idea how. They probably arrested that man. I hope they kill him. He almost killed me.  
I’m sat in a bed, probably a hospital bed. I just woke up. There isn’t anyone in the room with me, so I figured I ought to finally look at my wounds. As I slowly peeled back the covers, I winced at the stress it put on my ribs, I must have been right about them breaking.  
Great, I was wearing one of those awkward hospital gowns that hang open in the back. Well, at least I can look at the ones on my wrist.   
As I tugged at the bandages on my right wrist, tears sprung in my eyes from the pain. Once I got them off, I saw that I had serious rubbing marks, probably from the ropes. I also had a deep gash on the inside of my wrist that I don’t remember happening. It had 7 stitches sealing it up, but the sight of it still made me dizzy.  
Suddenly, I was startled by a loud alarm going off. Two nurses rushed into my room, the first not giving me a single look before going to work, punching in random things on the machine. The second came to my bedside.  
“Hey. How are you feeling?” she asked, he eyes shining kindly.  
“To be honest,” I said, trying to ignore the way my throat burned when I talked, “like shit.”  
The nurse chuckled, “Well, that’s expected. We’re gonna give you some pain meds now that you’re up, but they’ll make you sleepy. Don’t try to stay awake too much, you need rest.” She left me with a light touch on my arm, putting something into my IV with a needle.  
I felt the cold medicine go into me and my eyes got heavy. The nurses left the room and I slowly drifted off.  
***Harry’s P.O.V.  
“Can we please see him?” Liam asked the nurse for the 6th time. She had already told us that Louis was resting, but we wouldn’t have it.  
“I told you boys, he just took his medication so he’s gonna be out for about 30 more minutes. He really needs to sleep right now.” The nurse said apologetically, picking up a clip board and walking off down the hall.  
Liam shook his head and sat down next to me in one of the waiting room chairs. “Can you wait 30 minutes?” he asked, stress showing across his features.  
I nodded silently, fiddling with my ring. I really wanted to see Louis, but what was the use stressing out Liam if it wasn’t gonna get us anywhere?  
All I could think about was how Louis was gonna react when he saw me. He’d probably not want to talk to me, ask to be left alone. Fake a heart attack, maybe. Just something Louis-ish that would get him out of seeing me.  
I wanted so bad to apologize to him. I can’t even imagine what life would be without Louis. It’s bad enough I almost lost him permanently, but now he probably just wants me out of his life. I’ve probably ruined the band. Ruined everyone’s careers. I don't know if any of the boys will have the heart to forgive me, let alone Louis...  
Somehow time passed. After 38 minutes of sitting anxiously and wallowing in self pity, the nurse called us over and said we could go in.  
So this was it. I walked quickly on shaky legs to Louis’ hospital room, behind all the other boys.  
As we stepped into the room, my eyes locked on Louis, and it took everything I had not to launch myself into his arms.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK ME LIKE A MONTH TO UPLOAD THIS!  
> The worst part is I don't even have a valid excuse. Well, if anyone even still reads this after my epic slacking, here is the long overdue chapter 8! If you don't hate me, you should follow my tumblr: AngstLarry !!  
> Things happen in this chapter!!  
> If you enjoy, please click like & leave a comment!  
> Also, any feed back or ideas for the future parts of this story are welcome!! I love hearing from you guys! xx

Chapter 8  
***Louis’ P.O.V.  
I couldn’t contain my grin when the nurse said she was going to go fetch my friends. I had only been without them for a few hours, but considering what I had gone through, it felt like an eternity.  
I waited impatiently for them to arrive, sitting in my bed and trying not to move, as my pain was slowly coming back. I could feel the dull pain in my ribs, most of all. Then there was a pain that shot up my arm every time I brushed the stitches. I was just overall really sore from it all.  
Suddenly, I heard the door open and held my breath as the first person appeared. I quickly recognized Liam leading the boys, as usual, soon followed by Niall, and then Zayn behind the Irish lad. As Harry slowly walked in behind the rest, I searched desperately to find those green eyes. After catching them for only a moment, he tore his gaze away, instead shifting it to the ground as Liam walked up to me.  
“Hey,” he said, walking up to my bedside. Niall stood next to him, Zayn on the other side and Harry trailing at the foot of my bed, still not shifting his gaze.  
“Hi Li,” I replied weakly, my voice rough and burning. Liam smiled down at me sympathetically, patting my shoulder and making room for Niall.  
“Lou! How are you feeling? Are you ok? We were so worried…” Niall’s expression was a cross between a wild grin and the same worried expression Liam had picked up.  
I opened my mouth to respond, but before I could, Zayn cut me off, “mate, I don’t think Lou is in a right mood to talk right now? Did you hear his voice just then?” Zayn smiled and shook his head at Niall’s mock pouty face. “It’s good to see you, Louis,” he said, his smile genuine but his voice adding something sad into the air.  
I smiled appreciatively, nodding as if to say the same. I snuck a quick glance at Harry, who had at some point decided it would be better to stare me dead on than look at the floor.  
I stared back at him, wanted to say something but not having the strength to break my eyes away from those emerald orbs.  
I noticed the rest of the boys quietly leave the room, giving Harry and me some space to talk. I really hoped Harry wasn’t mad at me, I wasn’t sure how I would get him to forgive me if he was. This had all started because of my stupid way of dealing with anger, and it had ended like this. I don’t think I could have dealt with Harry being angry with me. Ironic, huh?  
We just sat there quietly for a moment, an awkward silence settling over the two of us. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore, “I’m sorry,” I said as firmly as I could manage without breaking into a fit of coughing.  
Harry looked taken aback. He seemed to think about what he was going to say before he spoke, “You’re sorry?” he asked dumbly.  
I nodded. That boy could be so dumb sometimes, and I wasn’t about to explain everything to him.  
I’m pretty sure Harry was about to laugh, “What could you possibly be sorry for? Getting offended by me being up your ass? Walking off to cool off instead of hurting yourself? Getting kidnapped? I really don’t think you have to apologize. Lou, it’s my fault. I’m so sorry. If I wasn’t being such a jerk about everything, then you wouldn’t have left, and none of this would have happened. I understand if you never want to talk to me again, I really do, but please just consider my apology. I really can’t see my life without you. You’re funny, you’re smart, you’re always by my side, you’re always there to support me in whatever stupid thing I get into, and I think…” Harry quickly cut himself off, acting as if he was about to take it too far. Before I could question it, I had to focus on what he had said.  
I braced my voice, “Harry, of course I’m not mad at you,” I croaked, wincing against the searing pain in my throat. “It’s not even your fault. If it’s anyone’s, it’s mine,” I said, shaking my head at how ridiculous he was being.  
“Louis, you don’t understand how little that makes sense. I am so sorry for pushing you over the edge, and I just… I can’t stand not knowing how you feel towards me.”  
Harry whispered the last part, staring down at my bed sheets, as if it had more meaning than meets the eye. I felt my heart lurch at the sentence, hoping it meant what I thought it meant.   
That’s when it struck me; I can’t fancy Harry, I had an agreement with Simon. He knew I was gay the second he laid eyes on me, and once we lost the X-Factor and became an official band, Simon knew we had to have a talk.  
Since I would become famous, I had a feeling where he was taking it. Uncle Si only wanted to keep me safe, which I understood, but he also wanted me to hide who I was. He wanted me to pretend to be strait. I guess it was better for sales and the band and everything, but it still brought me down inside, not to mention worsening my whole anger issues situation.  
Even still, I agreed, and he had kept an eye on whom I dated ever since. Eleanor knows, but she still thinks that I really want to be with her. I mean, she’s sweet, beautiful, and just an amazing person that I love with all my heart, but I’ve never been able to feel the right thing with her. The thing that I get fluttering in the pit of my stomach every time Harry smiles at me. The thing that aches in my heart whenever Harry’s not around. The thing that turns me inside out when Harry sings.  
I looked up at Harry who was now standing right above me, his eyes still locked on my hospital sheets. Suddenly I broke out into a smile, realizing what I have to do.  
“Why are you so happy?” Harry asked, obviously eager to change the subject from what he had just said.  
“You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed,” I said casually, relishing how hot Harry looked as a red-hot blush crept up on his cheeks. He shifted uncomfortably as he stared at me, his expression part shock, part confusion, and then something else that I couldn’t quite recognize.  
I simply shook my head. ‘It’s now or never’ I thought to myself.  
I took up all my strength, every brave bone I have in my body, and looked up into those bright, beautiful green eyes.  
I opened my mouth to admit what I had hidden for 3 years now, but I was cut off by a pair of lips crashing into my own.  
It took me almost a whole second to respond. I swiftly brought my hand up into his soft curls, ignoring the searing pain it sent through my wrist. Our lips moved in harmony, 3 years of secrets and hidden emotions spilling over into the kiss.  
It felt so right. At that point, no one could have convinced me it was wrong. Nothing about me and Harry could have ever be wrong.  
Harry’s breath puffed out against mine when we pulled away. It took me a moment to recover and open my eyes, but when I did, I was staring right into those pools of green. Harry grinned, and oh how I missed that grin, the way it would show his dimples and he would smile with all his teeth. It made him so much more attractive, if such a thing was even possible. I was smiling back without realizing, just taken in by his expression. I quickly stole another quick, blissful kiss, his lips tasting like hot air and... Harry.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So nice to see you again? I've been slacking, I know. But happy New Year! Well, happy new year to anyone who still reads after like two months gosh I'm sorry for the long wait, there were important things happening in my family and then holiday and then I like caught the black plauge and died for about a week but now I'm on drugs so yay for modern medicine!
> 
> But yes Louis is starting to see how his encounter can take a longterm ride in his life, and it's not off to a good start.

Chapter 9  
***Louis’ P.O.V.  
We had kissed for what felt like a few seconds but had actually been quite a few seconds – minutes really. I’d just pulled away to look back into those beautiful eyes of his when we heard a knock and then the door start to creep open.  
I just stared into Harry for a moment, only realizing we should probably move when his eyes went wide. I quickly laid back down and Harry scooted away, trying to do something that vaguely resembled acting natural.  
“You lads okay in here? No fighting?” Niall said a bit too loudly as he walked into the room, a suspicious smile on his face as he looked between the two of us.   
I could feel my heart beating wild in my chest in the second that I thought he had seen Harry and I kiss. The boys couldn’t find out like this, if they ever did find out. Maybe Harry didn’t even want to be in a relationship with me. He could have just tried it to see if he… liked it.   
I suddenly really hoped Niall didn’t see, the thought of me just being an experiment - another experiment - sickened me. No, it scared me; I could feel goose bumps creeping up on my skin as visions passed through my head. I had to squeeze my eyes shut, not just to block out what I was re-seeing but also to hold back the tears the memories brought. I could feel that blade on my wrist, like it was still happening. The way it teased for a moment, just sitting there, before it slowly sliced into my flesh, going deeper as it moved and cutting so, so far deep that I couldn’t have been alive - but I still was, screaming. Screaming so loud with no one to hear me. Screaming to no one. Screaming for death.  
***Harry’s P.O.V.  
“You lads okay in here? No fighting?” Niall said cheekily as he walked into Lou’s hospital room. He took a look around as if to find out any clues as to what we were doing.  
I tried not to look too suspicious as I nodded “uh yeah, we’re fine. Everything’s sorted out, just been in here talking ‘bout footie, right lou?”  
At first, I didn’t notice that he didn’t respond, but when I shot Louis a quick glance to see if he was keeping up character, I saw that he was sitting curled up in his bed with his eyes shut so tight the tears almost didn’t make it out. “Lou!” I screamed and ran over to him, “Lou, what’s wrong? Why are you crying? Nothing bad’s happened… I mean… I didn’t think it was anything bad, I mean…” I lightly rubbed Louis’ arm, careful of his wounds, as Niall shot me a strange look but said nothing as he comforted Louis from the other side.   
“Niall why is he doing this,” I whispered. My blond friend just shook his head and ran out of the room, returning moments later with a nurse. She was quick to ask us to leave, that it was common for him to be upset easily since he had been in such a traumatic experience.  
“But he was fine, everything… was fine,” I said as she pushed me out, “You don’t understand. I was here, he must be having some sort of a fit but he can’t be upset I didn’t do anything wrong it was fine,” I protested though tears but it was no use. Niall put a hand on my back and guided my over to the waiting seats. I just sat down in one and stared at the floor, ignoring any looks from anyone in the nearby chairs.  
Things had gone so well. We finally admitted our feelings for each other, well not officially, but the feeling of that boy’s lips, so soft and thin against my own, was just as good. It had more feelings than anything we could have said, there’s no way Louis hadn’t felt that. Then again, he did freak out 45 seconds after the kiss ended. Maybe… maybe I pushed him too far. Maybe Louis doesn’t like me that way. Maybe I just ruined our friendship seconds after I strived to get it back. So much thrown away because I acted on impulse.  
Suddenly I felt a hand on my back and I could tell from the bony fingers that it was Zayn. “Haz, it’s not your fault,” he said, I could feel his breath in my hair, so he must have been leaning close.  
“You don’t even know what happened,” I scoffed, running a hand through my hair and wiping the left over tears from my cheeks before sitting up to look at Zayn.  
“Yeah, Niall told us. Harry it’s all going to be okay. Lou will recover from this, we’ll get him to see someone. I promise things will work out.”  
“That’s not what I meant,” I whispered, averting my gaze to the floor.  
“Oh,” He paused, obviously realized that we must have done something in the hospital room. “You wanna talk about it? We can go somewhere else if you want privacy,” Zayn suggested kindly, and it made me feel bad for feeling so hostile to the boys. None of this was their fault; I was just taking it out on whomever I could.  
“Not now, but if I’m up to it I’ll find you later, okay?” I said, and Zayn nodded, giving me a kiss on the head before returning to a conversation with Liam and Niall about some sort of dinner Liam went to as a kid that apparently Niall had gone to as well.  
“No Niall you couldn’t have been there it was just kids on the community footie team, you just get your food eatings confused!” Liam laughed as Niall protested, saying he remembered the pasta they served.  
I smiled at their argument, cherishing that, for a moment, everything was back to normal, or at least resembling it. It couldn’t be properly back to normal without Louis chiming in and telling the boys not to get upset with Niall because he couldn’t help how much his thoughts revolved around food and playing guitar. He’d say something like “Niall’s mind is practically made of ground beef and guitar strings - he can’t help how he remembers things.”  
But that’s just the thing. Louis wasn’t there. He was in his hospital room crying, all by himself, remembering some unimaginable horror while we were out here joking around. I felt the smile drop off my face at the thought. We were being fools and there was my best friend in his hospital bed crying, all alone and miserable, and I wasn’t allowed to help him. I wasn’t allowed to comfort him or anything. The only thing I could do was sit here and be useless. Take up space like I always do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked my little chapter 9.  
> You can catch my tumblr angstlarry or my twitter @lizzy_marks3  
> I hope you had a great holiday and i wish you all the smut in the new year xx


	10. Sheltered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How long had it been, 5 months and a day... maybe two? That seems about right.  
> So sorry for just never writing anything. I've been super packed with school lately, but now I'm just finishing up, so *fingers crossed* it will be a summer full of weekly Saturday chapters.  
> But yeah, read this chapter, comment, leave kudos, follow my tumblr (@angstlarry) for alerts on new chapters, one shots, and my new fic coming out!  
> I know I haven't been the best writer, but since January, or whenever I posted "The Way we Fit", I've been improving. This story is basically a lost cause considering how extremely awful it is, but it MIGHT improve if i keep working at fixing the plot. I'll make sure to tell you if I go back and change the previous chapters.  
> As always, thanks for reading, I love you guys. I hope at least one person still reads this xx

*** Louis’ P.O.V.

            “ _Sweetheart, don’t fret. You should love this. You should love me. You’re mine now.”_

_The man’s voice echoed through Louis’ half-conscious state. He made a pitiful attempt to move away, but he was too weak to put up a fight – the man only gripped him harder. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been tied up in this basement, but the once smooth concrete under him hand become stick with his blood, among other things._

_There was a hand on his chin, yanking it up. He could barely see through his swollen eye, but he could make out a face…_

            I jolted up, a searing pain going through my entire body, lingering in my ribs like a loose spark from a fire. I hadn’t even noticed my screaming; a sound so foreign to my ears that I had heard too many times recently. A person never really knows their voice unless they’re in the films or on the radio. The same thing goes for your scream. When you hear it, it doesn’t sound like you own.

            A flinched as I heard a voice next to me, my heart beat still racing from the vivid dream, no nightmare. If only this whole thing _had_ been just a nightmare. I could feel my whole body shaking with anxiety as the nurse at my side spoke.

            “Sweet heart, don’t fret,” she spoke softly, the same retched words to come from his mouth sounding like the wind in the trees coming from hers.

            “W-what?” My voice shook, still just as raspy as it had been when… Harry…

            “Where’s Harry?” I said, cutting off her pitiful stare at my manic state. We… We had kissed, and Niall came in, but then what? Did I fall asleep? No, I’m bloody sure that if I hadn’t just run 12 miles after not sleeping for two days I would still not fall asleep after kissing Harry Styles.

            “He’s out in the waiting room, love. I can go fetch him if you like?”

            I nodded hard, trying trying trying to remember what had happened. Niall had walked in. Harry had straightened up, looking extremely suspicious in which what had to have been the worst display of acting I’ve seen in my entire life.

            Then... what next what next… then Niall made a joke about us. And I thought… Harry didn’t care. Harry was just experimenting.

            I felt my body racked with tremors, sudden realization laced with anxiety coursing through my veins. What if he doesn’t want to come back in because he ashamed of what happened. My heart was beating to the point of pain, it had to be going wild on the monitor, but I couldn’t hear it through the hot whoosh of blood pounding through my body.

            A knock at the door made me jump out of my skin, I’m pretty sure I even let out a squeak. Everything felt like it was creeping up on me, I couldn’t breathe. Tragedy tragedy surrounded my head space taking up my thought though I’m not sure why. I sat smothered in covers but here was nothing on me, a freezing breeze licking flames across my body. My fingertips were tingling, every surface they touched lighting up my senses to red alert.

            “Hey Lou,” his soft voice did nothing to sooth me, instead pricking needles into my skin like an endless tattoo. I felt his questioning gaze pass over me, over my shaking hands and closed fists. “Babe, it’s ok. You’re ok. I’m here for you.”

            His words reassured me the slightest bit, but I could still feel a twist knot of insecurities in the pit of my stomach. I managed a smile, gripping the bed sheets to steady my shaking. I had to look strong, I couldn’t be that weak boy that had been taken advantage of.

            “You feeling better?” His voice laced with worry and I could see a million questions dancing on the tip of his tongue; I just hoped to god he wouldn’t ask them. He moved over to the side of my bed, his cat like presence looming over me like a shelter. It’s funny, I thought, Harry had always seemed like my protection from the outside world.

I nodded slightly, and then nodding again just to make sure he had seen me. As relief swept over his features, the knot in my stomach loosened a bit – maybe he did care.

He took a seat awkwardly on the chair next to my bed, a cornucopia of sentences flitting through his mind as he looked to say something. Oh course he didn’t say anything, and I was the one to talk first.

“I’m sorry,” I spoke, my throat burning at the exertion.

Harry shook his head and smiled a bit, “Not this again.”

            Despite myself, I almost laughed.

            “Your mum is here. You should have seen her when the nurse asked me to come in. I’m surprised she hasn’t ripped through those hospital workers already. She _really_ wants to see you.”

            Yeah, that’s definitely something my mum would do. I was surprised she wasn’t already in here, fussing over me. When I was a kid, she would always try to clean my cuts and brush my hair and I wouldn’t have it. Unfortunately, being the child that I was, I got many infected cuts which led so countless streams of ‘I told you so’s and pills, but that’s beside the point. She had always tried to help me, no matter what, so I was surprised to hear that she was controlling herself.

            “So, um, I am… you know… sorry. About that whole… you know.”

            “Oh.”

            “Yeah…”

            “You uh…”

            “Hm?”

            Harry grinned, “You didn’t like it? I thought you did pretty well.”

            What… I felt heat rise into my face and neck, my inner feeling cast outwards. So maybe he had enjoyed it. I felt quite reassured about him at this point, but there was still something creeping in the back of my mind, something I forgot… It seemed like something I couldn’t forget, but I’m not sure, it was quite vague to me. Like an addiction that I had dropped, always lurking in the background. The thought sent a shiver down my spine.

            “You cold, babe?” It was amazing how could transform from his sexy, flirty self to his adorable, concerned self in such a short amount of time.

            I nodded because, honestly, I was cold. That, and I didn’t want to share my thoughts with Harry when I wasn’t even sure what my thoughts were. Harry crossed the room to fetch a blanket, returning and poking at my arm to make me scoot over. The hospital bed was uncomfortably small, and Harry trying to lay down was not the best for me at that moment and we both had to lay on our sides to fit. Even still, it brought me comfort at being close to someone without being scared.

            He slid the blanket over us, draping an arm gently across my chest, careful not to push too hard on my ribs. I scooted back towards him, even though I was already right up against his chest, his large frame surrounding me. I was asleep within minutes, but right before I drifted off, I felt him kiss that top of my head and whisper something I hadn’t exactly made out.

 

***Harry’s P.O.V.

            “I love you, boobear. I won’t let anyone hurt you again.”

            I placed a small kiss on Louis’ soft, feathery hair. I could never let him be hurt like this again, even if it meant throwing myself between him and whatever danger was coming.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I know it didn't seem like much happened, but I just wanted to show you Louis' drastic mood changes. He's terrified of what Harry thinks one second, and then Harry makes a (fairly inappropriate for the situation) joke and Louis is cuddling with him in bed. Harry is too innocent yet to recognize what is happening, but Louis is latching on to anything that will tell them they love him and make him feel better - a side effect from his experience. Everyone deals with trauma in a different way, and this is how Louis does it. As time goes on and Harry see's the way Louis reacts to both the good and the bad, he just might change a bit.


End file.
